ZANAAN - Sacred Feminine Sisterhood

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The work that Zaanan does, is something I didn't know I needed. 

Buddha says "all life is suffering", in life, some of us suffer more than others, whatever our paths we try to make sense of it all, through inner work, slowly but surely. 

Tell me, how long does it take? or even, when? do you ever find yourself baring your soul? That is what I found myself doing with the abetment and guidance of Zanaan.

Nirmochan - moulting 

To prepare for Nirmochan, the question " what does touch mean to you?" was asked, how comfortable are you being touched? To break those barriers, we were asked to do an exercise, in pairs, starting with holding hands, with our eyes closed, and exploring touch with a partner, most people were paired with people they knew, I had met my partner only a couple of hours ago. Yet, I believe it made it a tad easier. There were a lot of giggles with the people who came with family or friends. Touch is only one aspect of the exercise, communicating with touch to see how far we go, is another thing. It builds trust and a sense of knowing of that person. 

I heard a whisper about why we were doing what we were doing, my thoughts went to Tv, a group of women bathing a woman of importance, like Cleopatra, or women about to be offered in one way or another, or even after childbirth. That did not prepare me for the exquisiteness I would partake. Imagine being surrounded by goddesses dressed in coloured tunics, as they scrubbed your body and rinsed you with water from bronze wash bowls, words of encouragement to release stress and pain, flowed from their lips into your awaiting ears. That is Nirmochan, after I had moulted, I asked my sisters to set free a roar that was brewing within me, with the backwaters as our witness, we roared. 

Herstory -  

As women change their homes and names post-marriage, their children and grandchildren mostly grow up completely disconnected from any aspect of a woman other than that of the mother. when we think, ancestry, how often do we think of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers? Herstory is a beautiful space which explores the hidden treasures of our matrilineal inheritance. For we have all lived once in the wombs of our grandmothers. - Zanaan

On a dock surrounded by water, we sat along the shape of the dock with everyone in view, sharing stories of our lineage, stories of our pain and stories of who we are, tears flowed, radical empathy for all and full hearts at the end of it all.  To lighten the mood and end on a fun note, we were able to build a Herstory tree, choosing whoever we wanted, as whatever position in the family. I was honoured to hear Jacinda Ardern in the mix, being a fellow kiwi. We also had some homework, from the stories shared, we needed to write down, what we thought our sister could do without, pain, anxiety, guilt, whatever we believed they would be better off without. 

Āhuti refers to “offerings (into the fire)”,  

Next to our sanctum, a red-roaring fire pit burned under the clear night sky. She would be the star of the show, the acceptor of our offerings. 

We stood side by side, opposite our sister and read what we had written aloud, then handed her the piece of paper. When the last sister had spoken, our sister with her offerings in hand, turned towards the fire. To complement her offerings, a drum beat was given and in return, our sister let out a sound, in which we would imitate to comfort her through her time with the fire. 

Aue, Aue, Aue, is what I had chosen, the sound of kuia( an elderly Maori woman) at a tangi (funeral), I was mourning the parts that I held on to for comfort regardless of whether it was good or bad. It meant something in the journey of becoming me. Naturally, it had to end in a hongi (a traditional Māori greeting performed by two people pressing their noses together, often including the touching of the foreheads).

Abhishekam - means “cleansing” or “purifying”. 

This was the final day and I was an absolute mess, I'm used to goodbyes, however having bared my soul to these people, I couldn't imagine not seeing them tomorrow. 

In Lao culture, washing the feet of your parents' usually for the new year, is a way of showing them the utmost respect and love, so I had a slight understand of what was about to unfold. It was made all the more dramatic due to the sombre cloud I had over me. Every woman at that retreat, in my eyes deserved to have their feet washed being the goddess that they all are. We wished them well and gave them all the blessings in the life to come. 

After the work with Zanaan, I had one truth and that was I no longer feel broken. Since I've been watching Grey's Anatomy, something stuck with me, 

"God only gives us what we can handle".